On Marriage
This last week my husband and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. On our wedding day a new family came into existence; our family.
I think one of the most profound and beautiful realities of attending a wedding is having the privilege of witnessing two people pledge before God and each other that from that moment on they will walk life’s journey together with eyes fixed on Heaven, and yet in some sense blindfolded because they do not yet know what that journey will be like on any given day, month, or year. Marriage takes courage. Marriage takes trust. Marriage is hard work. Marriage is filled with joys, sorrows, laughter, tears, misunderstandings, struggles, crosses, and triumphs.
Something I love to do is listen to the stories of other married couples. How did they meet? What was their wedding day like? What joys, struggles, sorrows, blessings, and triumphs have they experienced as a couple? I love to see newly married couples just starting out on their journey because they are a reminder of that first, beautiful spark of love and excitement. I love to see older couples who are further on the journey who are a living witness that it is possible to stay the course and still deeply love as much or more the person they married so long ago. I love encountering couples who are in the same general place we are in; raising a family and experiencing the rapid change of life’s seasons as the children grow and mature and begin to venture out on their own. I love to learn and read about married couples in my family line, as well as those who are not, but who have gone before us and give us an incredible example of what is possible. It is all so very exciting to me.
In our family we have been blessed by many beautiful examples of married life. From our parents, our siblings, our aunts and uncles, our grandparents, great grandparents, and even further back. It is a beautiful lineage and a testament to the good fruit that comes from two people who get married, stay married, and instill in their children a deep appreciation for the sacredness of marriage, and that it is worth it to put in the hard work that is required within marriage. For though our little family began on that day 19 years ago, we are also part of a much larger family picture going back through the generations and connected to many other families across countries and continents.
In thanksgiving for our own marriage, and the children God has blessed us with, as well as with a sense of gratitude for those who have gone before us, walk alongside us regardless of their state in life, and for those who are newlyweds, I would like to share with you a letter I wrote to my grandparents on the occasion of their 60th wedding anniversary. I hope it is an encouragement to you, regardless of your state in life, regardless of your vocation, and regardless of whether or not you are called to marriage. For it is marriages, and therefore families, that are the bedrock of our society. We must cherish them, love them, protect them, encourage them, and help them stay the course. We all depend, in some way, on the health and well-being of marriages.
May 25, 2013
Dear Grandpa and Grandma,
As you know, we wanted to be there to share in your special day. It seems your great-grandchild #14 had other plans for us! I’ve asked Dad to read this letter so you know we are celebrating with you from afar.
When I think about your 60 years of marriage I think about the thousands of memories and moments that occurred for you to get where you are today. Sixty years of family. Sixty years of friendships. Sixty years of love. Sixty years of working through challenges. Sixty years. It’s impressive.
I am also reminded of the word “legacy”. I suppose a married couple’s legacy could be their wealth or their possessions, their status and awards. But I know without a doubt that as you are surrounded by your family and friends on this day the legacy they are celebrating has nothing to do with any of those things. Your legacy is your Catholic faith and your family. I think that is a profound accomplishment.
I am reminded of the many phone calls and visits we have had over the years. There was never a time when one or both of you did not find a way to weave in the message of the importance of the Catholic faith – of persevering under God’s guidance even in the midst of struggles and crosses. What has always touched me about these conversations is that you have consistently been open about the importance of the Catholic faith in your own life. But more so, I have always been struck by how you spoke of crosses. Everyone in this world carries some sort of cross. Some are more obvious than others. I imagine in 60 years of marriage you have had your own share of crosses! It is easy to dwell on one’s own struggles and yet you have been gentle in reminding me that if we were able to see all the crosses of those around us, we would be quick to pick up our own again.
Why does this message stick with me in my own life and why is it relevant on this special day? It’s because you not only had a strong inclination to do right by your own family, but you have always had a wider appreciation for the entire human family. You have expressed in your words and actions a level of compassion and empathy that is not always evident in our society. You have always strived to be mindful of your responsibility to your own family, but also to those around you.
I could say much more about all I have learned from you, how much I love your encouragement and humor, how I love that you end each conversation with a reminder that you are praying for me! There is so much to be said!
Your marriage has lasted for 60 years and I know you look forward to many more together. The very thought of it makes me smile! But what brings me even more joy is knowing that it doesn’t end here. What you have accomplished in your marriage lives on in your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. It lives on in the people you have encountered. It lives on because you made a choice to live passionately and consistently with eyes fixed not on earthly wealth and accomplishments, but with eyes fixed on heaven.
I know I am not alone when I say it: Thank you for your legacy!
Happy Anniversary!
Love, Sarah
Questions for reflection:
If I am married, do I actively invite God into the center of my marriage? Do I visit with my spouse about discerning God’s plan for our marriage?
If I am married, do I take time to cherish my husband/wife through words of affirmation, through affection, and through quality time?
If I am married, am I open to life?
Do I pray daily for my spouse? Do I pray daily for my children? Do my husband/wife and I encourage family prayer in our home?
Do I pray for my children’s future spouses?
Do I take time to encourage the married couples in my life?
Do I thank the married couples who have been a living example to me of a healthy marriage?
If I am not married, or not called to marriage, do I pray for those who are? Do I take time to encourage them?
If I am a priest or religious, do I recognize that my vocation can be a source of encouragement to married couples? That I have a responsibility to be a champion of marriage?
If I am married, do I encourage the priests and religious in my life so they know how to minister to married couples and families? Do I realize that healthy vocations to the priesthood and religious life are fostered within family life? Do I realize that marriage is not in opposition to single life, the priesthood, or religious life, but that the vocations are complementary and work together to allow God’s goodness to unfold in the world?
Do I realize that traditional marriage, as well as family life as a whole, is the bedrock of society and it must be protected within the public forum?
Do I reflect on how toxic society can be to marriages and find ways to combat that through prayer, encouragement, and love?
If I am a young person, not yet married, am I actively discerning my vocation?
If I am a person called to marriage, but not yet married, am I praying for my future spouse?
Do I remember to say the words, “I love you” to my spouse, children, parents, and grandparents?
If I am married, do I foster a sense of joy within my vocation to marriage so that my children and others see a living example of the beauty and dignity of married life?