The 90/10 Life Principle

Stop and think for a moment about all of the things you could be doing right now.  Think about all of the activities and events you and your family are involved in or could be involved in on a daily basis.  Taking all practical daily needs out of the equation, we are all very busy people with the potential to be even busier than we already are. Our culture is very busy making sure we stay very busy.  

This looks different for each individual and family, but I think the fundamental principle is the same: we are busy…perhaps too busy.

We are constantly going here and there and everywhere trying to maintain our pace.  

But what if we stopped?  

What would happen if we were more selective about the here and there and everywhere we are going?

Several years ago, I made a phone call and was discussing an important life decision with a family member.  The advice I was given: "90% prayer.  10% action."  Each time I would run different aspects of the idea past this person, the advice was the same: "90% prayer.  10% action."

It was fantastic advice.  And I find myself referring to it constantly.  Let me say it again, "90% prayer.  10% action."  The advice not only applies to what it was I was seeking counsel about at the time, it applies always and in every situation.  Imagine a world that operated on 90% prayer and 10% action.  Imagine homes and marriages and entire lives operating on this principle.  Right now I'd say many lives, homes, and our world operate on the exact opposite with maybe even less in the prayer category.  It is a startling imbalance.

This is not to say that we are all called to be sitting quietly in prayer all day long. Not at all. I certainly don’t do that. I am a wife, a mother, an educator, a friend…the list goes on and on with my own obligations as well as my responsibilities to my family and how we spend our time together and around others. I have plenty of practical responsibilities to tend to. My 90% prayer/10% action is also wrapped in the concept that I must tend to the needs at hand.

The 90% prayer/10% action principle is a commitment that, before adding on more obligations, I will first run them by God, my husband, and if necessary, a few trusted individuals who have wisdom on life’s journey and who can help me discern well the things that I need to add into my life or the things that maybe need to be removed so my family and I can live to the fullest and not look back in exhaustion wondering why in the world we were so busy but not truly present to the things we were doing.

The 90% prayer/10% action principle also gives me permission to be selective about what I am choosing to do with my time. I can’t possibly do everything, so I must be mindful of choosing well the things that I can do. This extends to family life as well, and in applying this principle, it has helped us to not overextend ourselves. It has allowed us the ability to hold space for our marriage and our children, and it has also allowed us healthy opportunities to hold space for others as well. 90% prayer/10% action is not confining or limiting, it is very much liberating.

Sometimes we forget the 90% prayer/10% action principle. No one is perfect. It is easy to get caught up in the wave of busyness. I have also learned that we have to allow ourselves space and grace to get back on track.

It can be difficult to stop and be intentional about all of the things we can be doing as an individual or as a family. It is for this reason that, in applying the 90% prayer/10% action principle, I have a few core people I run my ideas by when I am faced with a decision, or we are facing a decision as a family.  Naturally, my husband is first on the list right behind God.  Since I know it can be easy to get caught up and take off running with an idea, goal, or whatever it may be, it is my goal to first run my ideas by these people. This is called seeking counsel.

These are some of the core questions I contemplate in prayer and with these particular individuals.  


Is this something that is a potential good for me?  

Is this something that will be good for our family?  

Even if it is objectively good, should I be doing it at this time and with all my other obligations and duties?  

Busyness.  Activity.  Running here, there, and everywhere.  What if, right now, we committed to taking a step back and applying the 90% prayer/10% action principle in our lives?  What if each time we were faced with a decision, big or small, we paused, prayed, and then acted?  My theory is that we would find greater peace and joy in our own homes, a greater sense of rhythm in our lives, and in the process, we would change the world.

90% prayer.  10% action.

The next time I am faced with a life decision, whether big or small, how can I apply the 90% prayer/10% action principle to the situation?

When I am faced with another activity that I could be doing, how can I encourage myself to stop and ask, “Is this something that is a potential good for me? Is this something I should be doing with my time and energy?

Who are a core group of people I can go to when I need to seek counsel about a life decision, a difficulty I may be facing, or just in general to help me maintain a balance in life?

What are ways I can be more intentional about my time and less bound by endless busyness?

How can I help my children learn to take appropriate breaks, to recognize when they are becoming overextended, and to learn to seek counsel and pray when they are making decisions?