From the Archives: Learning to Waste Time
Image ©2024 Sarah Murray
This post was originally published at The Happy, Resourceful Home on July 2, 2012.
As a mother of three, my days are super busy. Some days it’s enough to simply get the basics accomplished. Recently I was having more and more days where, at the end of the day, I felt like I had been around my children, but I hadn’t truly spent quality time with them. I don’t want to look back and think, “Wow, I sure got a lot accomplished, but I missed important moments with my children," I want to look back and think, “Wow, I enjoyed my children while they were young; I really enjoyed being a mother” even in the midst of my responsibilities, work, and to-do lists.
However, I’m also a person who likes an organized home and life. I like my routine. I like things to be just so. I like to accomplish what needs to be done whether in the home or outside of the home. I can get rather absorbed in these endeavors. And it’s not only my kids who sometimes hear me say, “Just a minute!” or “I’m almost done with this!” Sometimes it’s God who hears that from me, too.
In order to help remedy this situation, I picked up a copy of Jacques Philippe’s Time for God. It is a wonderful introduction on prayer. Again, I’m a busy Mom, so finding time for actual quiet prayer seemed a bit of a stretch, but a friend encouraged me to give it a try. In his book, Philippe talks a lot about how it is possible to be immersed in other activities and pray, but we must also learn to stop what we are doing in order to spend time with God. And not just God, other people as well.
He says, “Someone who believes he loves his wife and children despite having a very active life, but who cannot find any time to be one hundred percent available to them, may be kidding himself. Without that free space, love will soon be stifled. Love expands and breathes in an atmosphere of free giving. We must be able to waste time for another person.”
Waste time? Did I read that correctly? Do I have time to waste time? Don’t I have enough to do already? Meals to cook. Dishes to clean. Diapers to change. Laundry to do. Work to do. A never-ending to-do list. I was so struck by these words because I know it’s true. The meals, dishes, diapers, laundry, and daily work mean nothing if I am not first spending time, or rather wasting time, with the people for whom I’m cooking, cleaning, and organizing.
This is not easy for me to do, but lately I’ve been making a more conscious effort to be absorbed in the people around me rather than the things on my to-do list. When my baby daughter is tugging at my leg I get down at her level and play hide-and-seek. When my oldest son builds something with his Legos and wants me to come see it, I stop what I’m doing and I head to the other room to listen and offer praise. When my three year old wants to sit down for a nice chat, I set aside my list, find a comfortable spot on the couch, make eye contact, and listen. When my husband walks in the door from work I stop everything and go to him with a kiss. These are little things, but I have to believe that when I drop what I’m doing in order to become absorbed in what they’re doing, my husband and children see that they are my priority.
I’ve applied the same effort in my spiritual life. Sometimes I step out of the kitchen or laundry room or wherever I am to find a quiet spot in my house in which to encounter Our Lord. It is an opportunity to collect myself and enter into a place of peace. I am usually distracted during the first few minutes, so I force myself to sit for about ten. I give myself time to shift from being Mom, to Daughter of God. Again, this is not easy for me, as there is always something else demanding my attention, but I find myself looking forward this time with God.
I am discovering that, in making a conscious effort to waste time, I am actually saving time. I am more at peace. Our household has a greater sense of emotional order. I have a greater sense of focus when I go to accomplish something on my to-do list. There is no longer a tug of war going on with my priorities. I think it’s safe to say that wasting time isn’t so bad after all.
These days, in 2024, when I have six children from teenagers to toddler and a full day of work, to-do lists, and obligations that seem endless, it can be difficult to set aside time to be present. It is much harder to step away from distractions and feed my soul so I can nurture the souls in my care, but it is even more important. They have not stopped needing me. And I have not stopped needing them. And I still make time with God a priority so I can fulfill all my obligations and not burn out and be present to those I love the most. The passage of time has made me more acutely aware that making time for God allows me to be more present to the people around me. “Wasting” time with God means making time to be truly present to life.
Do I make time for God?
How can I carve out space for my relationship with God, even if it is a few minutes in the middle of a work day, at home, or at school?
Do I make an effort to be present to the people around me, even in the midst of my daily obligations, distractions, and challenges?
What are ways that I can practice being more present to the people around me, especially those closest to me?
Who are the people who need me to be more present to them?
Do I make an effort to set my phone down, step away from media, or step away from other distractions so I am able to be present to the people around me?
How can I make a more conscious effort to be absorbed in the people around me and not just the things on my to-do list, my work, or the activities I am emersed in?
How can I make an effort to make time for God in the midst of my very busy days?
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